I've been greatly enjoying my vacation hangover.
After getting back from Costa Rica.. my body went into shock. Going from 90 degrees back to this bone chilling New England weather- has got me tied up in my sheets. Not wanting to brave the elements.
The time change has been just what the doctor ordered.
I was able to see a Cape Cod sunset the other night - with out it interfering with my teaching or yoga schedule. It was an easy sunset. One of those - where you surrender to the rock you are sitting on and watch the universe's most spectacular light show.
I felt blessed to be home.
Today has been a great remedy to this time of year as well- the air has thickened and the base of it is warmth - warm enough to get away with just a fleece.
It's my kind of day.
Weather has always been some what of an ice breaker for me. Especially with conversations with people I might not feel comfortable having...
I ask myself why is the tail end of this winter the hardest?
Shouldn't we be holding onto the lasting days of the winter as we do the summer?
This winter - has been especially cold. One - because I did not brace for the impact of it. I did not burrow away. I actually worked. I worked my tail off.. coming up with different areas in my life where I find interest. I actually didn't start relaxing until about a week ago. I hit the winter hibernation button.
I started getting really aggravated with myself. Why are you being such a sloth?! With all this new knowledge gained from Costa Rica- why are you not out there sharing this joy and clearing with the world.
This "clearing" a total letting go of everything that "isn't working" any more. This is actually a very hard process. Letting go- could be in fact one of life's most valuable lessons. And there is a grieving process to this... a depth of patience.
Especially with yourself.
I know what I want out of life. To me - Life is going to be a SPECTACULAR EXPERIENCE. Allowing whatever enters into my path to remain there until it decides to flow or detour.. and I believe there is always an opening. From this - unfortunately- this means being VULNERABLE and COURAGEOUS enough to ALLOW what the universe wants.
The feeling I've been getting lately is to not share. I've not wanted to give back- I've felt this sense of retreat.
I've had some criticisms and made some mistakes in the past few weeks. I ask How can I accept myself? How can I be free with being ever present to this moment in space. Laying the bricks for improvement.
The thing is the more open I am to this way of being- the crazier the things that happen. And I am bewildered by my reactions to situations and people.
It almost makes nothing phase me.
What unbelievable- is - that despite all of this. DESPITE ALL OF THIS.
The day after my return from my trip- I missed a very important meeting. At first - it didn't really phase me.. and then I got an email from someone describing the impact of my actions. And the next day- I ran into people who I disappointed bc of my lack of diligence of being there. And that evening getting another email.
Now- I get it. I messed up. But what I didn't realize that my neglect with my lack of attention to detail really affected people. Just like I had no idea the way I behave in any of my relationships- or friendships- I never really thought any one really cared about HOW I am being.
Well it has become a rude awakening- that it does matter. And the way I behave either GOOD or UGLY - really has its lasting effects.
So part of this awakening is knowing this. It's knowing that I have an impact.
An impact so deep that it ripples through all of my relationships.
Which are the most important thing to me. They rise above all things.
So ask yourself - how are you showing up? Are you showing up to be a representation for the people you love in this world? Or are you just drifting through life thinking your presence does not matter. Because I guarantee it does matter. Guess what? You DO matter to the people in your life. From the tiniest interaction with a stranger to the way you speak to the people you love and trust most...
I challenge you all to THIS- for the next few weeks- if you have been hermiting and slothing around like I have been- let's AMP IT UP. Lets give some strangers some smiles- and hopefully they will smile at someone they don't know.. and so on - and we will finnish these winter weeks down hill - breezing through the crisp with HAPPY TIDINGS for some spring :)