Goodbye is never forever.

Over the years I have lived in several states, attended various educational institutions and gathered with friends from all areas of life. These pyramids of individuals creating a quilt of loves around the world. I am so fortunate to know so many amazing souls. Everyone of them- having a very different and distinguishable trait. 

For awhile, getting away from my web of entanglements seemed like a chore. Winding up on the other side of the world, and knowing the person sitting at the table next to me. That kind of stuff happened to me all the time. 

There have been times where I have taken it for granted. Rolled my eyes ( so to speak). 

For the past few months I have whirled my way into this place where isolation is my best friend. Little to no conversation. Silence is what I've been seeking. 

I thought it is what would cure my unrooted mind. Maybe if I fight the current, I will change me. I can surmise my life into simple, easy, sterile. 

And whats been happening is that in this process, I have been taking all the color. The fascination. The surprise out of everything. 

As a child till now, I have never been one for goodbyes. Everytime I have left someplace, I have cried. Every partner I have left it has been as if someone has died. Thinking it is all going to be for forever. When in- fact - it has been quite the opposite in my fortunate life. Everyone comes around as if we are just on our own orbit spinning until gravity fails and we bump into each other again. 

I have never been without the love. I have never been without connection.

I feel so blessed. How did I get this gift? but more importantly, why have I been trying to loose it?

 

A long time ago...

A long time ago someone once said, " Ashley, never change for anyone, you have a vibrance that is very rare. Keep it." 

It was from a teacher of mine, who spent a year dealing with me.  Unadulterated me. The one that deflects commands and laughs about commitment. Fully knowing that what lies on the other side of this deflect is this curiousness for normalcy. 

I never have had a time or a place where I felt that normalcy was the life that I wanted to create. 

I always envisioned a life with an abundance. Not knowing that on the other side of abundance is hard work, determination, strength, creativity, and happiness. 

It seems that in my times of despair I forget the paradigm; what you want takes work. 

From being a successful business owner some people might say, " You must be exhausted with all that you do." 

A few weeks ago I hit that button hard. I am exhausted. Slipped into the hole. Not wanting to get out. I felt that I couldn't reach the top. But I guess here I am. Slowly sneaking out. It hasn't gotten me yet. 

I guess I am writing you to tell you this. Yes, I am human. I feel the normalcy in my life now. I understand how to smile when you don't want to. And to laugh when you feel like crying. I can mimic unconscious conversations - but I don't want to be like that. 

I'm hitting the reset button here and now. Here it goes. 

And I am holding You and myself accountable for the courage to be different. To break the mold and model. 

A lot of what I am saying might seem like gibber jabber.  If you can hear me on this lets pray together to JUMP out. Create something new. Focus on a new project. Kickstart yourself to a better well-being. 

We both know it is going to be the only way out. 

Peace love & courage. 

A

Terrified to Write.

Greetings Men and Women. 

 

I've been terrified to write. To actually put down on paper what has literally been happening in my life. 

There is nothing bad. 

Just big. 

I am opening my own store. Brick and Mortar. 

Where I sell my Photography services- as well as have an active boutique on the front end- which has yoga apparel, Sunglasses & other accessories. 

Its been hard to verbalize. TO come up with a concrete way of saying what I am doing. 

I am scared. 

Of being happy having some grounding. Of not having the flexibility I had last summer. 

But I am really EXCITED to GROW. To form a solid business that is -essentially me.

I feel honored to have this opportunity. We open May 23rd.

 

What A HOOT!  Can't wait to see you all there. I will keep you posted as things progress. And then when things settle down I will inform you back to life lessons and other amazing happenings in my life. 

Peace love and namasteee :)   

Cape Cod Magazine- Vers - Chatham, MA.

Cape Cod Magazine- Vers - Chatham, MA. 

As some of you might know.. I am a food photographer for Cape Cod Magazine.. 

Here is some of my latest work for them which will be published in the March 2014 issue: 

 


I hope this doesn't tantalize your taste buds too much! But seeing since it's Friday nothing like the present to head into Chatham and see a movie and have a spectacular dinning experience!

It also helps that Chef Jonathan is one of the nicest people! 

IMG_0264.jpg

Not to mention that I shot for VERS earlier this Fall.. What an amazing display. Truly honored to be involved with such an innovative way of cuisine. 

Keep an eye out for the March Issue! I will look forward to your comments :)

 

Love and Light!

Ashley

I believe.

Hello world out there! 

Hello old friend- WE have made it here again. Resolutions, prophecies, triumphs and disasters. ITs nice to know these things still exist, otherwise, what are we living for? 

How boring would it be if life was set up in some pre arranged package. Where we got to tell everyone what our future held. Instead life is set up so you get to discuss with friends, lovers, partners, acquaintances - how your experience has melded you into the person you are today.

Last year on New Years Eve, I had just started my healing journey after being sideswiped by the termination of a relationship. I remember dragging myself out of the house to hang out with some of the women I'd met in yoga.  I was a bomb in a body. All I wanted to do was cry, or yell.. or jump some guys bones. I wanted everything to please me. I wanted security. While the whole time I just wanted my EX to come flying in on his magic carpet and sweep me back to his lonely one bedroom apartment- where I didn't have to face myself. 

Luckily for me,  he never came, never called, never showed up in my life ( and still hasn't) because I needed the time to figure out "Who Ashley is" and "how can Ashley survive in this world".  I thought all of this meant I needed to do this alone. Seeing as my ex surmised all parts of my being (partner, bestfriend, lover) - I had brainwashed myself into believing that my happiness could never come from anything else but him. 

What a delusion I WAS IN! I look back and I think how insane was I to think that I could never be happy with out him. When in fact- I don't even think that I was ever REALLY happy with him. I didn't even know what MADE ME HAPPY. 

For years and years and years my New Years Wish used to be " I want to fall in love". Well Ashley this year your wish has come true. As I speak of myself in the third person- I say. This year. Ashley I have fallen in love with you. 

Trying to have a relationship with yourself is the hardest relationship I have ever tried to have. But it's a nonnegotiable relationship. I can't just get rid of myself. It doesn't work that way. I am who I am. I am sensitive. Creative. Loving. I have so much energy I could burst into a million baby bubbles at any given time. I am a dreamer. Completely boy crazy. Transformative. Talented. I have fear- but just enough to keep me safe. 

and the way I  know this is real is because of all the beautiful people I have attracted into my life. There is no other way for me to gauge the love that I have other than to look at the relationships that I have cultivated and healed in the last year. From healing my relationship with my father- to all of the beautiful friends that I know call my brothers and sisters. I am so unbelievably blessed.  

A year ago when I was dragging myself out for a New Years Eve I never thought it would have been possible to feel so elated. So blessed. 

And so it is my wish to you this New Year's Eve that if you haven't already-  Fall in love with yourself this year. Find out what makes you smile. SO in turn you can heal and cultivate all of the beautiful relationships in your life. Its worth it. 

Live the life you love :) <3

Ashley